Tag Archives: periods

bullies_by_payero01-d4u03lv

Ask Weezy Highlights – Bullies Beware

by Louise Palanker

Cover Art by Payero01

I host a safe and friendly teen social network, ios app called Our Place. Each week, thousands of questions pour into the community. Kids share with one another and I personally respond to about 20 questions per day in a teen advice column called Ask Weezy. What are today’s kids thinking about? Here are this week’s top five questions.

Question 1
How do I deal with people saying negative comments about my appearance? Please don’t tell me “oh you’re beautiful.” You don’t know what I look like, and I already believe I am.

I just get frustrated because it’s not just what people say, it’s how they say it over and over and over… What do I say to make the bullies  stop? I’ve tried being mean, ignoring it, and getting other people on my side, but nothing works. Please help? Thank you so much.

Weezy
Almost everybody is picked on about their looks at some point along the road of life.

I don’t know what they are singling out regarding you, but generally speaking, what happens is that one kid notices something specific about your appearance and then everybody jumps on that bandwagon.

So, let’s say you have big feet. Oh well. You have big feet. I am not trying to dismiss the pain it causes you when somebody mentions your feet. Rather, I am encouraging YOU to take on that “Oh, well,” attitude.

My nephew Jake has great advice on this. He says that if somebody were, for example, to call him a geek, he would say, “And your point is…?”

I love this because it completely diffuses the intended impact of the insult. They are trying to get to you. If you simply agree and then ask why they have raised this point, the wind drops from their sails.

You say that you have tried everything and I completely believe you, but now try agreeing with them and asking them to clarify why they have time in their day to bring the obvious to your attention.

Question 2
Hey, weezy I live in a city that has no place to walk around. It sucks. The places it does have I’ve been to 100s of times. I’m not old enough to drive yet, but i want to do new things. Places to hang out and go. How do I find places in my area?

Weezy
Try googling, “teen activities” plus your area. You may be surprised to see how many churches, synagogues, mosques and non-religious organizations have events and clubs for teens.

Remember, that you do not have to join a religion to take part in a youth activity.

Also, try: Boys and Girls Clubs, The YMCA, The YWCA, Kiwanas, Elks and other service organizations.

For example, every Monday, I teach a free teen comedy class at the Jewish Community Center in Santa Barbara, CA. You would not know about it if you were not looking for teen activities in Santa Barbara.

So, do some hunting and let us know what you find.

Question 3
So last time i had a girlfriend was in 5th grade. I am now 17. I just moved to ****, Ga about 7 months ago and have been looking for a girlfriend but nobody seems to stick.

I’m always very quiet around people I don’t know. More so around girls. And when I do talk to a girl, I tend to overthink things, and think of everything that could go wrong. How can I become more confident? Plz help!

Weezy
You just need more practice talking to girls. Get this practice by conversing with many different girls. Exercise that muscle. Tell yourself that almost every girl with whom you speak will not become your girlfriend. They are mostly just friends.

Getting to know them enriches your life and theirs. Girls need practice talking to boys too, so these conversations are fun and helpful to all concerned.

The more you talk, the easier it gets and eventually, a connection will begin to form between you and somebody special. Don’t force it. Wait for it, be open to it and allow it to happen.

A relationship is not just something that you need. It is also something that you offer. You will be a gift to someone wonderful.

Question 4
I look like a guy and I’m shaped like one. What to do? Well I have broad shoulders and long arms that stop to my knees, seriously… I cross my arms so ppl wont notice it. I wear a sweatshirt so people wont notice my shoulders either and for summer I wear thin baggy sweaters. I was told about 2 times that look like a guy and told a million times I was ugly.  What should i do?

Weezy
You are not ugly and unless you want to look like a guy, you don’t look like a guy. You look like YOU, during your awkward, teenage years.

Dress in clothes that YOU like. Carry your arms in a way that feels comfortable and let Mother Nature take care of the rest. You are going to be just fine.

Question 5
Hi weezy! So today I got my period (not for the first time) and now it’s getting heavy.

I am a counselor at a camp this summer and am in the lake and water most of the day. When I have been inserting a tampon, I don’t feel it at all but my period still leaks. I don’t know what to do about it because I can’t wear a pad in the water! I don’t want my period to leak on my bathing suit that I am in most of the day! What should I do?

Thanks so much and sorry if this was a little gross :) Weezy

Weezy
Your period will only be heavy enough to leak through a tampon for about a day. Most girls just figure out how to get through that day and yes, it can be tricky if it’s a day spent on the water.

Some girls say, “I can’t swim today. Personal reasons.” Everybody just gets that. No more explanation is needed.

Some, may put a mini pad in their bathing suit. Sure it gets soaked with water, but it also sort of blocks leakage while you go from the water to the ladies room to swap out your tampon.

You will figure out what works for you. Always remember that every female gets her period. Don’t be shy about asking older counselors how they handle these situations.

Every month, you get a little bit better at strategizing around your period.

just_let_me_be_by_ghazayel-d424e0w

Ask Weezy – Race Bullying

Ask Weezy
by Louise Palanker

Photo by Gazayel

I host a safe and friendly teen social network, ios app called Our Place.  Each week, thousands of questions pour into the community. Kids share with one another and I personally respond to about 20 questions per day in a teen advice column called Ask Weezy. What are today’s kids thinking about? Here are this week’s top five questions.

Question 1

Our Place Post: I am a muslim and started wearing a hijab ( scarf ) only a few months ago and it made me feel better about myself. On the bus for the past few months, people started talking about MY RACE and how we are ugly and my RELIGION… how we would bomb something down if we aren’t happy. I always cry in my seat and try to draw no attention to myself . Now I really want to rip my scarf off of my head and never wear it again!

Weezy
You are being subjected to prejudice and hate speech. This is race bullying.  You can report it to your school principal, speak to your parents about it or you can handle it yourself. It will help if you have backup. A friend who is in your corner.

This will take a lot of courage, but it can be done with a little bit of practice. You turn to these bullies and you say, “Muslims believe in peace. Extremists and terrorists come in every religion, shape and color. I am not one. What is sad here is that YOU are behaving more like terrorists than am I. Please respect me here on this bus and I will respect you.”

You can make that speech your own. These kids are ignorant. You can try to take them on or you can report the behavior. You DO NOT deserve to be treated this way. A little bit of understanding goes a long way. Teach them some of it.

Question 2
I have a friend I like and she’s always in a relationship.  Every time she breaks up she goes straight on to the next one.  It just keeps repeating and she just gets hurt in the end.  Is there anything I can do to help her?

Weezy
You can tell her that when we repeat an unhealthy pattern this means that we need to stop and do some work on ourselves.

Unless she changes, the boys she chooses won’t change either. Nor will they ever fix the problem. Tell her how much you care about her and that you want her to be happy. And then you just have to remember that you can not walk her path for her. She has to do that.

Question 3
How do I find my own personal fashion style?

Weezy
Don’t feel a pressing need to find one. The most important aspect of choosing “a style” is selecting clothes that make you feel like you. Clothes in which you feel comfortable.

If you buy something just because someone else told you it was cool or cute, it will sit in your closet and every time you look at it, something in you will reject it.

You can shop with your mom or with a friend and ask them for their opinions. But you must also feel good about the clothes. Finding your look is a process and you do not have to pick one specific look. One day may be a jeans and sneakers day. The next may be a little vintage/a little sassy.

There are no rules when it comes to fashion, because every year, the rules change. Why not be the one who changes them?

Question 4

How do I prepare for periods at school? I know its still summer but I NEED to be prepared. Anyway , I started my period a couple weeks ago and I want to know what should I do when I’m at school and I need to change my pad? Like where should I put my pad? I know in the trash but I don’t want it to be noticeable that I’m on my period when other girls walk in the bathroom. And how can I make it quieter when I’m opening my pad? I’m VERY embarrassed about having periods. and what should I do if I have a spot on my pants cause at my school we wear khaki pants and white shirts…

Weezy

Every girl gets her period, so I know this feels embarrassing (because it is happening in your private area) but it is also part of being a woman and being alive. You are actually pretty lucky that you get to spend your summer adjusting to your period. This will all seem less intimidating when school gets here. If you are embarrassed by the sound of opening the pad, open it before you get to school and roll it up in a paper towel or something. On your heavy flow days, wear a second pair of underwear over the one that is holding the pad in place. This helps prevent accidents.

You can check on your pad between every class.  Even if you see that it is not time to change it, that will give you peace of mind. If you see a spot, pull up your pants, go to the sink, put soap and water on a paper towel.  Go back into a stall and scrub it out.  This will dry within the next half hour.

There should be a little container which serves as a receptacle for used pads and tampons in each stall. If there is not, then you roll the used pad in toilet paper and tuck it into your hand. As you come out to wash your hands, subtly toss that into the wastebasket. You are not the only girl doing this. These are just the little tips and tricks that all women learn to use during that time of the month.

Question

Ever since my brother got a girlfriend (Rose) I feel like it’s my job to keep them together. My brother is four years older than me, but I feel like if I do anything or say anything Rose will be disgusted by it and end their relationship. I know that they’re relationship has nothing to do with me. This is my brothers first serious relationship so I don’t know how to act around his girlfriend. We get along fine but what if Rose all of a sudden gets so annoyed with me about something that she breaks up with my brother!?! He would never forgive me! I know I’m just being paranoid but I need advice!

Weezy
I wouldn’t use the word “paranoid,” but I would ask you what may have led you to believe that Rose’s love for your brother is contingent upon your behavior? Have you been made to feel, in your household, that what you say and do has an effect on love? Does love feel conditional to you? If that has been happening, then I am so sorry. It’s not fair and it’s not realistic.

Flip it around. If you loved a boy and his sister was a wild, little hellion, would you love the boy less? With no offense intended, you are giving yourself far too much power in your brother’s life.  He and his girlfriend are fully capable of loving or not loving each other based on a billion factors that do not include you.

Get to know Rose and be kind to her, just because it’s the right thing to do and because she will enrich your life, but you are neither their glue nor their dissolvent. You have no power to either pull them apart or hold them together.