by Louise Palanker
I host a safe and friendly teen social network, ios app called Our Place. Each week, thousands of questions pour into the community. Kids share with one another and I personally respond to 15-20 questions per day in a teen advice column called Ask Weezy. What are today’s kids thinking about? Here are this week’s top five questions.
Is there anything wrong with a guy wearing women’s clothes in the privacy of his own room?
No. None at all. However, this may be one of the last lifestyle biases to topple. We don’t see cross dressing much, unless it’s in a comedy sketch. But there are entire subcultures of men who cross dress. Many of them are straight men. They just enjoy women’s clothing and the idea of going out in public and passing as a woman is very exciting to them.
I do not know a ton about it but I had a friend who cross dressed. (he has since passed away) So what I know is based on what he told me. (he was straight) and also on a documentary I watched. It may have been this one:
The straight men who cross dress have a difficult time finding a woman who understands this activity. In some countries it is more accepted. For example there are two British, male comedians who cross dress in their acts and they are widely loved and respected. They are Eddie Izard and Dame Edna. Here is a clip of Eddie Izard:
and here is Dame Edna:
There is nothing wrong with what you are doing. Love yourself and know that the world is rapidly evolving in terms of who and what we accept and embrace. You will get to be a part of changing hearts and views.
Hi weezy. A week ago, an old elementary school friend decided to friend me on Facebook.He started messaging and it was all friendly, and then he started saying I still look cute and I said thank u and brushed it off.
At this point I told my boyfriend of 5 years. Honestly, my boyfriend is the best and trusts me so he doesn’t mind me talking to the guy. But lately the guy’s been calling me cutie a lot and now he has my number. It’s starting to get a tad awkward because I like talking to him but I know that as soon as I say I have a boyfriend he will stop.
My boyfriend’s advice is to continue being friends if that’s what I want and if it ever comes up, say I do have a boyfriend. But I don’t like the feeling of some other guy calling me flirty names. How do I go about this situation without being mean? And what should I do in your opinion? Thank u so much.
I think it is always wise to have your relationship status listed on Facebook. Social networking is often used to look up old friends and see if they are single. It is an easy way to reach out to a past crush. So, if you do not want this, list your status on your profile.
Being truthful, you are inviting this guy to continue and you need to be honest with yourself about that. Why does he now have your phone number? Your boyfriend is a gem. If you love him, be very careful.
Anytime you meet someone who begins to flirt and you are not available, it is your responsibility to mention the words, “My boyfriend,” in your next sentence.
I know that you know that those words will wound. But it needs to sting now or it will hurt more later. You don’t have to announce, “Please don’t call me Cutie,” yet. You can simply say, “Oh, gotta run. BF and I are making dinner.” That should do it.
Yes, you may loose this friendship. But to keep this guy in the dark about your availability because you enjoy the conversations is frankly selfish and it is harmful to three people. Your boyfriend, this guy and you.
If the guy continues flirting with you, say, “I like that we found each other again, but please don’t call me flirty names because I am in a relationship.”
Every friendship must be based on truth.
Dear weezy, Yesterday I was supposed to go to a theme park with my boyfriend. We ended up not going because we got there late and the park would soon be closing. My boyfriend’s apartment was in that area so we decided to just go there instead.
I had fun because I never get to visit his home. We stayed there until about 10pm. The problem is that I had to lie to my parents about it because they would have made” negative” assumptions.
But when I got home they were questioning me a lot about why I wasn’t wet from the pool and why I got home so late. I am almost 21 and they still don’t fully trust me and they would think badly of me if I said I hung out at my boyfriend’s apt. all day by ourselves till 10.
It is, frankly, none of their business. The more they press you for personal information, as you continue your journey through life, the less they will receive. I hope that you are thinking about moving out and gaining more independence soon. Lying is a very bad habit to acquire.
While you still live at home, you can say things like this to your folks: “You two have raised me beautifully with excellent morals, values and judgement. I have a boyfriend. He is a wonderful guy and we respect each other. I hope that I have earned your trust. Can you maybe just ask me if I had a good time and leave the rest to me? The less you ask and judge, the more I am likely to share.”
There is this girl I like and I can’t get over her. She says she loves me as a friend. But I want to be more than friends. I think we are meant for each other and we have a special connection. But she doesn’t want to date. I want to, though and I don’t want to make her mad/upset. What do I say! Please help!
You need to hear what she said to you. She wants to be your friend only. Since you would like to date, there is an imbalance in your expectations. You each want different things. Staying close and hoping the other person will change to your liking is going to place undue pressure and anxiety on both of you.
If you can totally accept that she is just your friend and you are able to look elsewhere for love, then you can remain friends. That, however, is a tough putt. My advice is that you pull away so that you can give your heart a chance to mend.
I’m a boy and I have two younger sisters. I have always wished for an older brother because all of my friends have brothers. This year I followed a friend of a friend on Instagram. He’s 20 and I’m 15. We started chatting and when I told my parents they got mad and shouted at me.
Three months later, my friend introduced me to one of his friends who is 17. I told my parents about him and they didn’t have a problem. Then recently, I wanted to go hang with this guy and they shouted at me because I didn’t tell them.
They said I disappointed them and that they lost trust in me. They don’t want me to be friends with anyone. I think they are overprotective, I’m starting to hate them and i don’t trust them any more and I don’t tell them anything because they don’t understand me. It’s like they were never teenagers!
They were teenagers in a time before the personal technology that we all enjoy.
Let’s cut to the core of the problem: They worry about your safety.
When you say they yelled at you, I need to ask you, what words were they yelling? Volume does not help a kid get the true message.
That message is probably something like this: “We don’t want you to talk to older kids you do not know in real life. Here is why… Those kids may have alcohol or drugs or fast cars with fast girls in those fast cars or guns or gangs or grenades (or whatever fills your parents’ worst nightmares) and we do not want you off on some wild spree and in way over your head.”
That’s it. When your parents yell, you can keep your voice calm and say, “Please explain the rules so that I can make sure I understand. Was it OK for me to chat with that 17 year old kid but just not OK to make plans with him when I haven’t met him in real life and you guys don’t know him? Is that it?”
You just need more clarity. Your parents are actually not being over-protective. It would just be great if they could remain more calm when they speak to you about their expectations.
A good way to start a really productive conversation is to find a quiet moment and ask them to tell you what they were like when they were your age.