Tag Archives: ask weezy

Divorce_by_sailor_midnightstar

Ask Weezy Highlights – Divorcing Parents

by Louise Palanker
Cover Image by Sailer-MidnightStar
I host a safe and friendly teen social network, ios app called Our Place. Each week, thousands of questions pour into the community. Kids share with one another and I personally respond to about 20 questions per day in a teen advice column called Ask Weezy. What are today’s kids thinking about? Here are this week’s top five questions.
Question 1
My parents sometime fight. One time my dad was drunk {sorry if this is a little inappropriate } and came home and almost killed my mom. My sister had to go through this and she’s six. They sometimes fight and my mom cries and I feel bad for them.
My mom told me if they divorce I have to live with the one of them and I feel pressure because I love both of them but if they divorce I would have to choose between them.
Weezy
The children of divorcing parents should never have to choose where they will live or with whom.  The adults must be the adults. It is their job (sometimes with help from the courts) to make decisions based around what is in the best interests of the child.
Joint Custody is often the best option. This means you would spend an equal amount of time with both parents. The child’s opinion and experiences are often taken into account while these decisions are being made. In other words, should the child express a concern that one parent is dangerous, the judge will listen to that.
So, if for example, your father is often drunk and violent. It may be better for your mom to have legal custody and for your dad to have supervised visitations. Nothing is set in stone. Arrangements can change as you grow older and/or if your father were to receive help for his alcohol problem.
Remember that you did not ask to be put in this satiation.  This is your childhood.  It matters and it must come first.  The grown ups need to figure out how to put their differences aside and put YOU, first.
If your parents are asking you to choose. You can say, “I need to spend time with both of you. Please figure out a schedule that works for everyone. I will not choose between my parents. I love you too much to do that.”
Question 2
I have a crush on my cousin and he is way older than me. Every time I see him it’s really awkward. Any advice?
Weezy
Cousin Crushing is pretty common. But cousins are off limits, as are way older guys.  So you will go ahead and place this crush in its proper category. It is a crush. It is meant to inform your romantic instincts. What type of man do you find attractive? This type. That’s all.
Enjoy your time with him. Develop a special bond. If he is a man of character, look for this type of man as you continue down your path toward love.
Question 3
Dear weezy, It is just a few more weeks until I’m leaving my parents for my studies and this scares me. The thought of it makes me unable to sleep at night, because things will never be the same again after I leave my parents. I’ll finish my studies and then get a job. Eventually, I’ll have my own family and live elsewhere. I still think I’m too young to leave them and I don’t want to, but I have to and I’m scared. What should I do? :(
Weezy
Many kids feel this way. Other kids can not wait to leave. Here is the good news for you. Not wanting to leave means that you enjoy a wonderful relationship with your parents. This is a blessing.
Sometimes, life moves on when we are absolutely ready. Other times, we need to give ourselves a little push. Don’t think too far down the road. Concentrate on the next task that lays before you and do it well. You will still be home for holidays and summers. Your room and your parents will be there waiting for you and it will stay that way until you no longer need these comforts of home quite so often.
The only thing that never changes is that everything changes. We are in constant motion. That is what makes life so interesting and exciting. Go greet your next adventure.
Question 4
Hey weezy! So my mom recently went through my phone. She read text messages between me and my girlfriend. My mom doesn’t know I’m bisexual but she made a snide comment referring to, “your girlfriend.” I was kinda freaked out because my mom did not know about my girlfriend before she went through my texts. She hasn’t brought it up or said anything besides that one comment.
But my dad said she was yelling to him about it. But I don’t think my mom told my dad everything. Does this mean she doesn’t care? That she supports me? She calls me a lesbian and a dyke all the time. Only because I don’t wear a bathing suit and seldom go swimming. I just wish she didn’t call me those things. And I wish she could just talk to me.
Weezy
I do not think it is wise or kind for your mother to call you derogatory names, but here is the thing when it comes to parents suspecting that their child may be gay or bi… they rarely will come right out and ask you. They will wait for you to come out.
That’s why it’s called coming out. It’s up to you to decide if you have something to say about your sexuality or sexual preference. Since maybe 90% of people are straight, the straight kids never have to go through this. It is assumed, by parents, that a child is straight unless or until he or she says otherwise.
Your mom seems to think that dropping a lot of hints or even teasing you will force the conversation. She does not get that she may be encouraging you to stay silent.
So, break the silence and say something to your mom that puts this on the table. Say, “OK, so I guess you know that I like girls, right?” It won’t come as a shock. You know that she knows. But it will be much healthier if the two of you can just talk about it. That way, you can say, “And please don’t call me a dyke. It’s not funny and it hurts my feelings.”
Question 5
I hate taking my shirt off in front of other people. I’ve never liked my body and everyone always looks better than I do. I know they say looks aren’t everything and that it’s what’s inside that counts, but that really doesn’t seem to be true. I don’t have abs, I have Bacne and I’m pretty short for my age. I can’t change my body even though I wish I could just have a new one.
Weezy
The good news is that you ARE getting a new body.  A boy may continue growing until he is about 21.  Your body is not what it will be once you are a man. Don’t judge yourself so harshly.
Most girls are not looking for abs. In fact, I believe that the more interesting the girl, the LESS she cares about muscly men.  Smart, sweet, funny girls are are looking for a smart, sweet, funny guy who cares about the things in life that actually matter.
There are a lot of girls who are insecure about their bodies too. Especially during the summer time. So, be nice to people, have fun and remember that just about anyone you will meet at the pool or the beach is not all that thrilled with his or her body either.
So, when you see friends and acquaintances gingerly taking off a top or a tee and timidly stepping toward the water, remember that this is an insecure moment for EVERYONE. Offer a big smile and join them.
flirting_nature_by_goflshaven-d3c4e7k

Ask Weezy: Teen Advice – Jealousy

Ask Weezy

by Louise Palanker

Art by Dolokun

I host a safe and friendly teen social network, ios app called Our Place. Each week, thousands of questions pour into the community. Kids share with one another and I respond to about 20 questions per day in a  teen advice column called Ask Weezy. What are today’s kids thinking about? Here are this week’s top five questions.

Question 1

Sometimes the guys I think are cute and like flirt with my friends right in front of me and it makes me so jealous because I don’t think I’m not as pretty as them. I end up doing something stupid and really mean that I regret and I don’t know how to stop.

Weezy

The answer is learning to see the beauty of your own soul with your own heart and mind, rather than looking for it reflected in somebody else’s eyes. Love is not a competition.  It’s collaborative. It is not endangered.  it is abundant.

A boy flirting with another girl takes nothing away from you.  It is its own isolated dynamic.  It has nothing to do with you. That very girl who currently feels like a threat may grow up to become the doctor who saves your life. You can not spend your day looking at others with envy and disdain.  They are humans, just like you.  They have love to give and they need love in return.   The boy who is meant to be your forever guy is out there.

The more loving you are to EVERYBODY the more attracted he will be to you. Show the world your most giving spirit and that love will be returned to you. Once you put healthy energy patterns in motion, you will be amazed.

You can’t have every guy.  You don’t want every guy.  At this point in your life, it’s time to let the flirting fall where it may.   Look at it this way: Only when you stop being mean will real love have an opportunity to find you.

Question 2

I don’t know how to explain this but I have an eating disorder and I don’t feel I am deserving of treatment. There are so many more worse problems in the world than an ED. I feel like an awful person because there are starving people in the world who don’t get to pick if they eat or not and here I am not eating or, if I do eat, vomiting it up.

I feel like I am so selfish and an awful person for doing this.. Am I selfish? How can I stop this? And if I get help it will go on my record and I wanna go into the navy. They may not let me in if I have a mental illness…

Weezy

An eating disorder is not a badge if shame. Nor is any emotional or mental condition. It’s like a broken arm. It just is and it needs to be fixed. I don’t mean to be harsh but you must stop coming up with reasons not to seek treatment.

Eating disorders are not judged. They are understood and they are healed. Until you do that you will not be strong enough to join the Navy. You can not serve your country until you are healthy.

At present, your priority is your disease, and until that is cleared up, you are not being loyal to your true self. You can call any Navy recruitment office and learn about their policies regarding eating disorders. Certainly, you would be asked about this during your physical and it will be against the law to lie.

No matter what you choose to do with your life, you won’t be able to get there while you are still inside this disease. So, first get treatment. Get well. And then begin to formulate what you would like to do with your healthy and whole life.

Question 3

Hey! My biggest crush asked out my friend and she said yes! I’m really mad at her for saying yes. She said she has liked him for a long time! But I love him! I have liked him longer than she has because I have loved him since kindergarden! What do I do!

Weezy

You may like him a whole lot more than she does but he gets to decide who he likes romantically. I know that is hard to hear.

If it’s a deal breaker between you and your friend, let her know, as delicately as possible. You can say, “It will just hurt my heart to see you two together, so I am going to have to take a step back as your friend, while I get over him.”

Or you can cry for a couple of days, then come up for air and accept this. It’s such a gray area. Part of me believes that you can’t lay claim to a boy. The other part of me says, she probably should have put her friendship with you first. But it’s impossible to know how much she cares for him and we can’t make this decision for her.

One thing I will tell you is that if you ask a friend to choose between you and love, they will usually choose love. Even if they live to regret that choice. Love is powerful that way.

Your friendship is more important than this boy. But when you are in the middle of this sort of struggle, it sure doesn’t feel that way. So, don’t say anything you can not take back. You have every right to feel hurt and angry. But think before you speak and then choose words that will allow you to one day retrieve this friendship.

Question 4

This morning, I looked at my belly in the mirror. I haven’t done this in months, because I hate the way it looks. I go to my doctor once a year, I’m a healthy weight. He never says anything bad. But I feel fat because I saw my stomach moving around. Now, when I walk, I think about it, and can feel it jiggling slightly.

I always exercise and have a decent diet. It’s just the way I look. How do I learn to accept it?

Weezy

You tell yourself that this is the way you look and this is the way people look. This is your body. Designed and engineered to go the distance. It is here to serve you and you will pilot your body through this life you have been given.

Would you stand outside a car and stare at it and judge the fender? Why does it stick out like that?!

To protect your car.

Now get into the car and go.

A woman’s body comes with curves. That’s how she is built. Stop judging your body and go share the spirit of your being with the world.

Question 5

My dad is very unpredictable. He yells at us kids and at the dogs. He scares us. I know he had a bad childhood. But last night he was screaming at our older dog and she was shaking. I ran to my room and that just upset my dad. He saw my scared face so he screamed, “I would never hurt the dog and then he was swearing and he slammed my door.

Later I saw him on the couch comforting the little dog and being affectionate. I just went to my room crying.

I want to have a close relationship with my father but I can’t trust him. I also know he will not seek professional help. I just don’t know what to do. He ruins my moods. I was having a great day today until all of this happened. Do you have advice?

Weezy

If he will not seek professional help the quality of his life will continue to be compromised. You should ask your mom if the rest of the family can go to therapy so that you can learn how to better deal with a father who is so unpredictable and frightening.

He was scaring, not just you kids, but also the animals. When you see him giving all that love to his little dog, it’s because that dog will bounce right back to being affectionate towards him far more quickly than will a child.

A child needs love, compassion, conversation, renewed trust, time to heal, etc. Look how frustrated he became when your face revealed your fear. You were still very upset.

What does he do? He slams your door and stomps off??? Sorry, no. That is not OK with children. But who is back in his lap within moments and ready to forget that anything ever happened? His dog.

Your father loves you, fully and completely. He just does not know what to do with himself when he gets all wound up. He has no healthy place to throw all of that negative energy.

He’s not angry with you. He’s angry with himself. You can write him a note, telling him how frightened you get. You can give your mom a copy of that note and you can request that you see a therapist to talk about your fears surrounding your father’s unpredictable behavior.

Joann Palanker's Our Place logo

Ask Weezy: Teen Advice – Are You Beautiful?

ugly_by_ozmilkshakes-d42f5en

Image by: OzMilkshakes from DeviantArt.com

by Louise Palanker

I host a teen advice driven social network called Our Place. Here are this week’s highlights.

Question 1

How do I accept that I am ugly ? I try my hardest to look pretty. I did my hair a different way, changed my style a bit, makeup, etc but nothing works. I just want to be pretty like other girls. I’m tired of crying myself to sleep, looking in the mirror and just crying, etc.

I’m not even sure if any guys like me. They look at me and that’s it. For example : the same guy may look at me over and over but doesn’t talk to me or approach me. He may be looking at me over and over wondering why I’m so ugly because where I live about 99% of girls are pretty.

I’m so sick of everything. I isolate myself from mostly everyone my age cause I can’t get along with any of them. They always say negative things and nothing positive. It hurts so bad…. Okay! The problem is that I don’t want to cry because of my ugliness. How do I accept I’m ugly?

Weezy

You are not ugly. Let’s put that first and foremost. Next, most girls your age do not feel great about their looks. And most importantly YOU are not your appearance. Wouldn’t it be sad if that’s all we were? The way we look? Nothing more?

Appearance does play a part in how we initially react to another human being. That is built into the core of our instincts. But then our brain must take the rest of the journey.

If you had to make a list of the ten most important and influential people in the history of time, your list would probably have NOTHING to do with appearance. I know mine wouldn’t. My list would go something like this:

Martin Luther King

Ghandi

Abraham Lincoln

Thomas Jefferson (OK, he’s kind of cute)

Golda Meir

Eleanor Roosevelt

Rosa Parks

Nelson Mandela

Harriet Beecher Stowe

Susan B. Anthony

Anne Frank

All of these people are beautiful.  When you allow yourself to feel this much pain over the way you look, you are not giving yourself enough credit for the actual person that is you. Please stop looking in the mirror and start looking out into the world. The question is not, “What do you look like?”  It is, “What are you going to do with the life you have been given?”

Question 2

I’m scared to do what I love the most in my own house. Drawing. Cause my dad comes up to my room and gets mad at me for not studying. I have really good grades already but he doesn’t think it’s enough. Art is my outlet. He even knows. I talked to him & he says he cares but he actually doesn’t. He won’t listen.

Weezy

Think about what your dad values. What does he do to unwind? Then compare your drawing to that. Say, “Dad, this is what replenishes me. It will help me study harder and do better. I need this. Please trust my judgement. I know when to study and when to give myself a well needed break.”

You have heard the word, “recreate.” If you break that word down, it says “re-create.” We, as humans do not do well if we do not have a chance to re-create our energy. Explain this to him from that perspective. Try to get your mom to help you do this.

Question 3

Hey weezy… So I was wondering if this was a good idea? So I really like this girl (we’re both lesbian) and I know she likes me (at least as a friend I guess) and I was wondering if it is ok for another friend to tell her that I like her… Cos I really can’t myself and I’m scared if she doesn’t know she’ll find someone else even though she probably likes someone else anyway… Do you think her finding out I like her would ruin our friendship??

Weezy

It may ruin your friendship or it may not.  But liking a friend is exactly the same whether you are straight or gay.

Once you have feelings, the friendship is already ruined.  It is now out of balance.  You like the person romantically.  That person may still like you as only a friend.  Meaning, the two of you have different agendas.  That’s not going to be healthy, moving forward.

She deserves to know your truth.  Once that is revealed she will have the information she needs to make her next decision.  Without clarity, your “friendship” limps along.  You want more.  She’s not sure why you are so easily hurt by this or that.  You interpret everything she says or does through a filter of hope that it means something.  She can’t understand why you don’t want her talking to some other girl.

Once she knows that you like her, everything makes more sense.  Will this harm your “friendship?”  Your friendship was “harmed” the moment you began wanting more.

Let your other friend carry the truth to your crush and then deal with the consequences.  I know it’s scary but this is what needs to happen.

Question 4

We’ll this guy has been embarrassing me at school because he thinks I like this other guy.  I was just being friendly to the guy but I do kinda like him but i don’t know. These two kids are friends so whenever I text the guy I like, “hey :)”  the other guys sees it and he is just mean at school.  In front of everybody he says still liking (boys name)? and then he laughs. I’m afraid everyone will hear and I need advice on how to overcome it and not be scared. Please help.

Weezy

You can look right back at him and say, “You’ll never know.” or, “What if a do?” Or, very sarcastically, “Oh, my gosh. A girl may like a boy. Alert the media.” Honestly, nobody has a right to tease anyone over a crush because we all get them.

Question 5

I’m 12 and this guy is in his 20’s. I met him from youtube though he didn’t post videos. I did. He was the first guy I ever really liked.  We had nice conversations. Didn’t talk about sex or anything.  We act/think just alike.  I can’t explain it, but I really did like him until one day i stopped talking to him.  He then deleted all his social networks.., He also helped me out with my suicidal thoughts.  I stopped talking to him because my parents fussed at me. I don’t think he’s a pervert. He never said anything sexual. But he runs though my mind everyday ..

Weezy

It is completely normal for a 12 year old to have a crush on a 20 something year old. But your parents have every right to be concerned about your talking with this man online. It just sounds shady. It may not have been and he may be just fine. But it is still very dangerous.

When a man goes out of his way to contact a 12 year old online, his motives will always be questioned. If you knew him in real life and he were a teacher or a youth pastor or a mentor, it would be much more acceptable.

Online connections can so easily lead to inappropriate language and suggestions. This is why the internet is full of predators and pedophiles. They can very easily speak to you away from your parents. They start by being your best friend and being there for you and completely understanding you. Then it becomes sexual very quickly.

blaine_and_kurt_by_meikez-d4j3m8x

Ask Weezy: Teen Advice – Bi Confused

Ask Weezy – Bi Confused

by Louise Palanker

Cover Art by MeikZane

Headshotcropped

 

I host a safe and friendly teen social network called Our Place. Each week, thousands of questions pour into the community. Kids share with one another and I respond to about 20 questions per day in a teen advice column called Ask Weezy. What are today’s kids thinking about? Here are this week’s top five questions.

LGBT Youth
Rita Volk and Katie Stevens from MTV’s Faking It

Question 1

What does it mean to be bi? Is it liking both sexes?

Weezy

There is a lot of different terminology to describe one’s sexual preference and gender orientation. If you were to google LGBTQ, you would find more accurate descriptions of Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgender, and Queer.

For example

And there are new words, probably created through internet connectivity which even better describe how various people feel about themselves. Terms like Gender Fluid and Pansexual. I don’t fully understand all of these words. I don’t know why there is a separate word for Lesbian and Gay. I don’t know the difference between Queer and Gay.

You may go to France, or Mexico and find different definitions of any of these words in different languages. So, having given you this disclaimer, my understanding is that a Bi-Sexual is somebody who is attracted to both sexes. Somebody who could be in love with a woman one year and then break up with that woman to find herself falling in love with a man.

But I invite anybody to step in and clarify. These terms are ever changing. The bottom line is that there is no correct way to be or to feel. Whomever you love, whatever gender you claim and however you choose to define yourself is up to you.

Question 2

Ok so i really like this guy and he says he likes me to. He isn’t allowed to date and I respect that and understand. We are best friends and we skype all the time and talk 24/7. We planed to go to the movies with a group of friends and his mum looked at his messages and saw how close we are and she said he isn’t allowed to talk to me anymore.

I’m crushed and so upset I cant talk to my best friend. He promised he wouldn’t leave me but we haven’t talked since. I am sad all the time and feel like crying and it is killing me I don’t know what to do!. I miss him so much what should i do ? Fight for him or give up?? And how?? Please help me.

Weezy

I don’t know your ages but it is never healthy for anyone to talk 24/7 with another person. Whether it’s face to face or through text or Skype or Chat.

Maybe you are exaggerating to help me understand how close you are. But just because today’s technology allows two people to stay in constant communication does not mean that they should.

You both need to be present for the people who are present. You both need time with your own thoughts. You both need a chance to think about the other person and miss the other person. And most importantly, you both need to figure out who you are individually. That can’t happen when you are in what I call The Constant Conversation.

His mother may have overreacted. She may have felt like he was going behind her back and breaking a rule.

Would it help to have your mom speak to his mom? Explain that you are really good friends but that you fully understand that he is not allowed to date. You have been respecting that rule.

“Fight” is the wrong word. “Explain” and “discuss” are better words.

Question 3

Hey Weezy I need your help. My parents have been arguing a lot. And it’s all because my dad has been drinking. I feel that it’s affecting him a lot. He’s been drinking a lot. And has been having a bad temper and even made my mom cry. My mom always tells him to stop but then he insults her and my mom insults him back and it turns into a huge argument. It disappoints me to see my dad drunk. I told him before and he doesn’t listen to me. I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s become a constant thing. Me and my mom can’t take it anymore. Help.

Weezy

You and your mom should visit the Al-Anon web site and find a meeting near you: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org You are dealing with a person who is sick. He is no longer speaking to you. It’s the alcohol that is doing all the talking. I know that it hurts to feel like he won’t stop drinking for you. But it is actually far more complicated than that. Please go find a meeting and learn more about what you can do to help yourselves and your family.

 Question 4

Ok I need some help so there is this girl I thought was cute. I became friends with her and told her I though she was kinda cute, then it turned into a mess. She started telling me she loved me. I’m 14 and I think I’m to young to date. Then she started telling me what she’d do with me and it creeped me out.

She started talking about marriage and moving in. She’s really nice but if I tell her I don’t want this I’m afraid shell commit suicide. I have noticed her cuts and she has attempted suicide many times but she says I’m making her better. She’s starting to creep me out she tells me shell strip for me and do stuff like that. I’m 14!!!! Help what should I do? I don’t want this.

Weezy

This is too much for you and your instincts are correct. You can not fix her. She’s in a lot of pain. Back away. When she says something inappropriate, you can say, “Too much, too soon. We’re only 14.”

This girl needs love and attention and she has a flawed perception of how best to meet these needs. If she puts pressure on you to be the reason she does not harm herself, say, “I can’t accept that level of responsibility. I’m a kid and you need help from a therapist.”

If she persists, bring an anonymous note to the guidance counselor at your school or tell your parents about the problem. This kid is on a fast path to getting herself into a lot of trouble. It is not your job to stop her, but you can let her know that being sexual, inappropriate and desperate is not going to work with you. While doing so, urge her to seek professional help.

Question 5

Is 12 too young to wear pushup bra’s? I’m 12 and my mom bought me about 3 pushup bra’s and I want to wear them so what age do you think is right for pre-teens/teens to wear them?

Weezy

I don’t think I understand why your mom bought push up bras for a 12-year-old. The idea behind a push up bra is to accentuate the bust line. Why would a 12-year-old want or need that?

So, first let’s make sure that you understand what a push up bra looks like and maybe you can start by asking your mom why she purchased these bras for you. It’s an awkward topic to discuss with your mom but for the next six years, she is going to have a big say in the underwear purchased for you, so start the conversation.

By push up bra, do you simply mean a bra with cups? When you move from a training bra to a cup bra depends not on your age but on the size of your breasts. If you can feel your breasts moving when you run, it’s time for more security.

Every body is different. Every girl and woman needs to figure out for herself what looks good and feels good. The classic definition of a push up bra is a bra that will lift up and push together your breasts. This is neither healthy nor comfortable. I would say, never wear one, but for an adult, that would be her choice. For a child? Just, no. 

body_image_by_carrielynn18-d38bc8u

Ask Weezy: Teen Advice – Body Image

Ask Weezy
by Louise Palanker

Cover Image by CarrieLynn18

I host a safe and friendly teen social network, ios app called Our Place. Each week, thousands of questions pour into the community. Kids share with one another and I respond to about 20 questions per day in a teen advice column called Ask Weezy. What are today’s kids thinking about? Here are this week’s top five questions:

girlonscale

Question 1

I’m struggling with my weight and appearance. I’m 12 and I have fat thighs, a big belly, long feet and I’m tall. I look at other girls my age and they have skinny thighs , a skinny stomach, small feet and they’re short.

I notice that the girls I just described are the only girls guys find attractive. They don’t like the girls who are the same height as them and almost fat.

I’m ugly. I try my hardest to look pretty. I TRY my hardest to loose weight but I always forgot I’m on a diet. I’m 130 .. The cute girls wear tight jeans, crop tops, and stylish shoes while I have to wear big shirts and jeans. I’m forced to do so. How can i be like them?

Weezy

I understand that you believe you want to be like those girls. But are you really looking at every girl? Because, when I look around, I see people of all different shapes and sizes and nobody has dibs on all the boys.

The older you grow, the more fine tuned people get with their tastes in absolutely everything… including love.

There is a guy at your school… at least one guy, maybe more… who is also insecure about himself and he is wondering why you don’t look at him.

So, you may be thinking, “Well, I don’t want that guy.” But, do you know him? Do you know how cute he is going to be in about a year? Do you know how much you have in common?

My point is, you need to go easier on yourself and on everybody else. It is so easy to assume that the skinny girls are happier than you. They are not. They are just really good at pretending they are. Everybody your age is insecure. YOU are not a body or a shape or a face. Who are you????? It’s your job to figure that out and to fall in love with that wonderful person.

Question 2

I need your advice.. What do I do? My father is in prison and I’m holding a grudge against his ex. She put him there because she did things to make him do things.. What exactly should I do?

Weezy

I am so very sorry that you are facing this situation. However, it serves nobody to blame your father’s ex and cast her as the bad guy in this scenario. I know it’s easier to hate her than to hate your father. You don’t have to hate anybody. It’s just adults behaving badly and making poor decisions.

Nobody forced your father to do anything. You probably don’t know the complete story as to how all of this went down and even if your father’s ex is partially to blame, there is nothing you can do about it. Your father chose to associate with her. She may have had a horrible childhood. You don’t know her story. She does not deserve any of your energy.

You go and make an excellent life for yourself. These events do not define you. Only you get to do that.

Question 3

Hey Weezy, So I’ve been thinking a lot. And I have a dilemma. I think I’m Bisexual or a lesbian. I am attracted to boys. But lately I have been think a lot about girls and I have kissed a girl once and I think I liked it. I have been having dreams of making out with girls and I am attracted to guys, but I think I like girls too.

My second problem is, is that if I am gay or Bi. Then what do I do? My mom I think would be ok with it, but my dad… He is homophobic. He doesn’t agree with there “life style” If I do figure out that I am gay or Bi. I think that I would wait to tell my parents until I’m a bit older. One I don’t want to get kicked out or get into a huge argument. I want to be able to express who I am. I want to be me. And I don’t know if I can do that around my family. What do I do?

Weezy

You’ve got the right idea. The older and the bigger and the more independent you get, the more freedom you will have to come and go as you please. When you tell your parents, the conversation will have a beginning, a middle and an end. You will say, “I love you. Goodbye.” and you will go to your own home, knowing that you have a ton of people in your world who love and support you no matter how that conversation goes.

I think you also know enough about life to understand that being gay or bi is not “a lifestyle.” It’s just how people are. Like being left handed or being good at music. You will be the one who helps enlighten your father. It will happen.

They say that the lesson will come when the student is ready. You and your father will learn from each other. Right now, enjoy your childhood and finish growing up.

Question 4

Hi I am a 13 year old guy.. school is is gonna be out in one month (May 22) I will be at the pool most of the summer and I really just want to have abs and some muscle. Another question would be how can I do this in one month without having to go to a gym or anything (I have some tiny weights at my house)

Weezy

I know very little about building abs. What I do know is this. Instagram is giving guys the wrong idea about what girls find attractive. A girl is looking for a sweet, friendly, kind, smart, funny nice guy.

It’s great to be healthy. But if you are more interested in lifting your shirt to take an abs selfie then you are in being a good person, that tells a girl that you are more interested in yourself than in her.

You can do sit ups and crunches to build abs, but please don’t overdo it. The right girl is going to love you for you.

Question 5

I like a boy who likes two other girls.  I found out that they don’t like him back.  Should I tell him?  How can I get him to like me instead?

Weezy

You can’t really move that kind of a mountain. Only love and fate can do that. It is up to him to decide who he likes romantically.

If you try too hard to let him know that his crushes don’t return his feelings, he will resent you for being the barer of that news. He may not want to believe you and then he may not trust you or your motives.

However, if you allow him to learn on his own that the other two girls don’t romantically like him and if you let him see for himself that you are the one who is always there for him, his feelings may change. Nobody can promise that this will happen and you’ll need to be ready to move on if you have been in love alone for too long. That will be your call. Right now, be a good friend and continue to show him who you are.

Here’s a good song for your situation by The Dixie Chicks: