Tag Archives: advice for teens

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Boys and Feminism

Ask Weezy How Boys React To Feminism

Question from Chloe S.

Dear Weezy. So I just need to rant to somebody but all my friends live their lives for boys and would change who they are in a second just to get a boy’s attention! >_< I posted a photo on Instagram about feminism and it got half as many likes as one of my group pics or pictures of my pets or even a freaking SELFIE!!!! The thing is all the people who liked it were girls!!! And I know a lot of boys in my grade follow me and def. saw that pic. But chose not to like it because of the topic!!!

Why are so many boys so effing ignorant!!!??? Sometimes boys (even 50-something male teachers!) make sexiest comments in class and it annoys the heck out of me!!!!! Ugh. Doesn’t it just bother you that people don’t see how much of a problem inequality is between genders is??!?

Weezy

I greatly admire your idealism and I think you are a person who will go far and achieve much with her life. Yes, it bothers me, but I have gained a certain amount of either understanding or complacency regarding this issue. You can decide which after hearing me out.

I accept and understand that the genders are different. I don’t believe that complete “equality” is attainable, necessary or realistic.

Is there equality between dogs and cats? Cats get to roam around outside without a leash. They go up on the furniture. They can stay home alone much longer. It’s not that you value Fluffy more than you do Fido, (Does anyone ever actually name a dog Fido?) it’s just that cats and dogs are different.

OK, so now you may be glaring at your screen and bellowing, “Are women supposed to be the cats or the dogs here, Weezy!? These are two different species! For the love of Mother Nature, Google it!”

Women are neither the cats nor the dogs. It’s just that I do so love analogies and I am attempting to convey that women have always been and will always be different from men.

Women, after all, carry the baby. Additionally, hormonal factors cause men and boys to think, feel and act differently than girls and women. They are biologically programmed one way, and we another.

On top of which, you are living your life online. Any boy who “likes” a post about feminism is subject to the teasing and ridicule of his friends. You have not lived one day as a boy. You do not know what it’s like.

Ask Weezy about Boys and Feminism Continues at Noozhawk

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Ask Weezy: Teen Advice – Bi Confused

Ask Weezy – Bi Confused

by Louise Palanker

Cover Art by MeikZane

Headshotcropped

 

I host a safe and friendly teen social network called Our Place. Each week, thousands of questions pour into the community. Kids share with one another and I respond to about 20 questions per day in a teen advice column called Ask Weezy. What are today’s kids thinking about? Here are this week’s top five questions.

LGBT Youth
Rita Volk and Katie Stevens from MTV’s Faking It

Question 1

What does it mean to be bi? Is it liking both sexes?

Weezy

There is a lot of different terminology to describe one’s sexual preference and gender orientation. If you were to google LGBTQ, you would find more accurate descriptions of Lesbian, Gay, Bi-sexual, Transgender, and Queer.

For example

And there are new words, probably created through internet connectivity which even better describe how various people feel about themselves. Terms like Gender Fluid and Pansexual. I don’t fully understand all of these words. I don’t know why there is a separate word for Lesbian and Gay. I don’t know the difference between Queer and Gay.

You may go to France, or Mexico and find different definitions of any of these words in different languages. So, having given you this disclaimer, my understanding is that a Bi-Sexual is somebody who is attracted to both sexes. Somebody who could be in love with a woman one year and then break up with that woman to find herself falling in love with a man.

But I invite anybody to step in and clarify. These terms are ever changing. The bottom line is that there is no correct way to be or to feel. Whomever you love, whatever gender you claim and however you choose to define yourself is up to you.

Question 2

Ok so i really like this guy and he says he likes me to. He isn’t allowed to date and I respect that and understand. We are best friends and we skype all the time and talk 24/7. We planed to go to the movies with a group of friends and his mum looked at his messages and saw how close we are and she said he isn’t allowed to talk to me anymore.

I’m crushed and so upset I cant talk to my best friend. He promised he wouldn’t leave me but we haven’t talked since. I am sad all the time and feel like crying and it is killing me I don’t know what to do!. I miss him so much what should i do ? Fight for him or give up?? And how?? Please help me.

Weezy

I don’t know your ages but it is never healthy for anyone to talk 24/7 with another person. Whether it’s face to face or through text or Skype or Chat.

Maybe you are exaggerating to help me understand how close you are. But just because today’s technology allows two people to stay in constant communication does not mean that they should.

You both need to be present for the people who are present. You both need time with your own thoughts. You both need a chance to think about the other person and miss the other person. And most importantly, you both need to figure out who you are individually. That can’t happen when you are in what I call The Constant Conversation.

His mother may have overreacted. She may have felt like he was going behind her back and breaking a rule.

Would it help to have your mom speak to his mom? Explain that you are really good friends but that you fully understand that he is not allowed to date. You have been respecting that rule.

“Fight” is the wrong word. “Explain” and “discuss” are better words.

Question 3

Hey Weezy I need your help. My parents have been arguing a lot. And it’s all because my dad has been drinking. I feel that it’s affecting him a lot. He’s been drinking a lot. And has been having a bad temper and even made my mom cry. My mom always tells him to stop but then he insults her and my mom insults him back and it turns into a huge argument. It disappoints me to see my dad drunk. I told him before and he doesn’t listen to me. I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s become a constant thing. Me and my mom can’t take it anymore. Help.

Weezy

You and your mom should visit the Al-Anon web site and find a meeting near you: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org You are dealing with a person who is sick. He is no longer speaking to you. It’s the alcohol that is doing all the talking. I know that it hurts to feel like he won’t stop drinking for you. But it is actually far more complicated than that. Please go find a meeting and learn more about what you can do to help yourselves and your family.

 Question 4

Ok I need some help so there is this girl I thought was cute. I became friends with her and told her I though she was kinda cute, then it turned into a mess. She started telling me she loved me. I’m 14 and I think I’m to young to date. Then she started telling me what she’d do with me and it creeped me out.

She started talking about marriage and moving in. She’s really nice but if I tell her I don’t want this I’m afraid shell commit suicide. I have noticed her cuts and she has attempted suicide many times but she says I’m making her better. She’s starting to creep me out she tells me shell strip for me and do stuff like that. I’m 14!!!! Help what should I do? I don’t want this.

Weezy

This is too much for you and your instincts are correct. You can not fix her. She’s in a lot of pain. Back away. When she says something inappropriate, you can say, “Too much, too soon. We’re only 14.”

This girl needs love and attention and she has a flawed perception of how best to meet these needs. If she puts pressure on you to be the reason she does not harm herself, say, “I can’t accept that level of responsibility. I’m a kid and you need help from a therapist.”

If she persists, bring an anonymous note to the guidance counselor at your school or tell your parents about the problem. This kid is on a fast path to getting herself into a lot of trouble. It is not your job to stop her, but you can let her know that being sexual, inappropriate and desperate is not going to work with you. While doing so, urge her to seek professional help.

Question 5

Is 12 too young to wear pushup bra’s? I’m 12 and my mom bought me about 3 pushup bra’s and I want to wear them so what age do you think is right for pre-teens/teens to wear them?

Weezy

I don’t think I understand why your mom bought push up bras for a 12-year-old. The idea behind a push up bra is to accentuate the bust line. Why would a 12-year-old want or need that?

So, first let’s make sure that you understand what a push up bra looks like and maybe you can start by asking your mom why she purchased these bras for you. It’s an awkward topic to discuss with your mom but for the next six years, she is going to have a big say in the underwear purchased for you, so start the conversation.

By push up bra, do you simply mean a bra with cups? When you move from a training bra to a cup bra depends not on your age but on the size of your breasts. If you can feel your breasts moving when you run, it’s time for more security.

Every body is different. Every girl and woman needs to figure out for herself what looks good and feels good. The classic definition of a push up bra is a bra that will lift up and push together your breasts. This is neither healthy nor comfortable. I would say, never wear one, but for an adult, that would be her choice. For a child? Just, no. 

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Ask Weezy: Teen Advice – Body Image

Ask Weezy
by Louise Palanker

Cover Image by CarrieLynn18

I host a safe and friendly teen social network, ios app called Our Place. Each week, thousands of questions pour into the community. Kids share with one another and I respond to about 20 questions per day in a teen advice column called Ask Weezy. What are today’s kids thinking about? Here are this week’s top five questions:

girlonscale

Question 1

I’m struggling with my weight and appearance. I’m 12 and I have fat thighs, a big belly, long feet and I’m tall. I look at other girls my age and they have skinny thighs , a skinny stomach, small feet and they’re short.

I notice that the girls I just described are the only girls guys find attractive. They don’t like the girls who are the same height as them and almost fat.

I’m ugly. I try my hardest to look pretty. I TRY my hardest to loose weight but I always forgot I’m on a diet. I’m 130 .. The cute girls wear tight jeans, crop tops, and stylish shoes while I have to wear big shirts and jeans. I’m forced to do so. How can i be like them?

Weezy

I understand that you believe you want to be like those girls. But are you really looking at every girl? Because, when I look around, I see people of all different shapes and sizes and nobody has dibs on all the boys.

The older you grow, the more fine tuned people get with their tastes in absolutely everything… including love.

There is a guy at your school… at least one guy, maybe more… who is also insecure about himself and he is wondering why you don’t look at him.

So, you may be thinking, “Well, I don’t want that guy.” But, do you know him? Do you know how cute he is going to be in about a year? Do you know how much you have in common?

My point is, you need to go easier on yourself and on everybody else. It is so easy to assume that the skinny girls are happier than you. They are not. They are just really good at pretending they are. Everybody your age is insecure. YOU are not a body or a shape or a face. Who are you????? It’s your job to figure that out and to fall in love with that wonderful person.

Question 2

I need your advice.. What do I do? My father is in prison and I’m holding a grudge against his ex. She put him there because she did things to make him do things.. What exactly should I do?

Weezy

I am so very sorry that you are facing this situation. However, it serves nobody to blame your father’s ex and cast her as the bad guy in this scenario. I know it’s easier to hate her than to hate your father. You don’t have to hate anybody. It’s just adults behaving badly and making poor decisions.

Nobody forced your father to do anything. You probably don’t know the complete story as to how all of this went down and even if your father’s ex is partially to blame, there is nothing you can do about it. Your father chose to associate with her. She may have had a horrible childhood. You don’t know her story. She does not deserve any of your energy.

You go and make an excellent life for yourself. These events do not define you. Only you get to do that.

Question 3

Hey Weezy, So I’ve been thinking a lot. And I have a dilemma. I think I’m Bisexual or a lesbian. I am attracted to boys. But lately I have been think a lot about girls and I have kissed a girl once and I think I liked it. I have been having dreams of making out with girls and I am attracted to guys, but I think I like girls too.

My second problem is, is that if I am gay or Bi. Then what do I do? My mom I think would be ok with it, but my dad… He is homophobic. He doesn’t agree with there “life style” If I do figure out that I am gay or Bi. I think that I would wait to tell my parents until I’m a bit older. One I don’t want to get kicked out or get into a huge argument. I want to be able to express who I am. I want to be me. And I don’t know if I can do that around my family. What do I do?

Weezy

You’ve got the right idea. The older and the bigger and the more independent you get, the more freedom you will have to come and go as you please. When you tell your parents, the conversation will have a beginning, a middle and an end. You will say, “I love you. Goodbye.” and you will go to your own home, knowing that you have a ton of people in your world who love and support you no matter how that conversation goes.

I think you also know enough about life to understand that being gay or bi is not “a lifestyle.” It’s just how people are. Like being left handed or being good at music. You will be the one who helps enlighten your father. It will happen.

They say that the lesson will come when the student is ready. You and your father will learn from each other. Right now, enjoy your childhood and finish growing up.

Question 4

Hi I am a 13 year old guy.. school is is gonna be out in one month (May 22) I will be at the pool most of the summer and I really just want to have abs and some muscle. Another question would be how can I do this in one month without having to go to a gym or anything (I have some tiny weights at my house)

Weezy

I know very little about building abs. What I do know is this. Instagram is giving guys the wrong idea about what girls find attractive. A girl is looking for a sweet, friendly, kind, smart, funny nice guy.

It’s great to be healthy. But if you are more interested in lifting your shirt to take an abs selfie then you are in being a good person, that tells a girl that you are more interested in yourself than in her.

You can do sit ups and crunches to build abs, but please don’t overdo it. The right girl is going to love you for you.

Question 5

I like a boy who likes two other girls.  I found out that they don’t like him back.  Should I tell him?  How can I get him to like me instead?

Weezy

You can’t really move that kind of a mountain. Only love and fate can do that. It is up to him to decide who he likes romantically.

If you try too hard to let him know that his crushes don’t return his feelings, he will resent you for being the barer of that news. He may not want to believe you and then he may not trust you or your motives.

However, if you allow him to learn on his own that the other two girls don’t romantically like him and if you let him see for himself that you are the one who is always there for him, his feelings may change. Nobody can promise that this will happen and you’ll need to be ready to move on if you have been in love alone for too long. That will be your call. Right now, be a good friend and continue to show him who you are.

Here’s a good song for your situation by The Dixie Chicks: