Tag Archives: advice column

what_a_feminist_looks_like_by_bansini

Boys and Feminism

Ask Weezy How Boys React To Feminism

Question from Chloe S.

Dear Weezy. So I just need to rant to somebody but all my friends live their lives for boys and would change who they are in a second just to get a boy’s attention! >_< I posted a photo on Instagram about feminism and it got half as many likes as one of my group pics or pictures of my pets or even a freaking SELFIE!!!! The thing is all the people who liked it were girls!!! And I know a lot of boys in my grade follow me and def. saw that pic. But chose not to like it because of the topic!!!

Why are so many boys so effing ignorant!!!??? Sometimes boys (even 50-something male teachers!) make sexiest comments in class and it annoys the heck out of me!!!!! Ugh. Doesn’t it just bother you that people don’t see how much of a problem inequality is between genders is??!?

Weezy

I greatly admire your idealism and I think you are a person who will go far and achieve much with her life. Yes, it bothers me, but I have gained a certain amount of either understanding or complacency regarding this issue. You can decide which after hearing me out.

I accept and understand that the genders are different. I don’t believe that complete “equality” is attainable, necessary or realistic.

Is there equality between dogs and cats? Cats get to roam around outside without a leash. They go up on the furniture. They can stay home alone much longer. It’s not that you value Fluffy more than you do Fido, (Does anyone ever actually name a dog Fido?) it’s just that cats and dogs are different.

OK, so now you may be glaring at your screen and bellowing, “Are women supposed to be the cats or the dogs here, Weezy!? These are two different species! For the love of Mother Nature, Google it!”

Women are neither the cats nor the dogs. It’s just that I do so love analogies and I am attempting to convey that women have always been and will always be different from men.

Women, after all, carry the baby. Additionally, hormonal factors cause men and boys to think, feel and act differently than girls and women. They are biologically programmed one way, and we another.

On top of which, you are living your life online. Any boy who “likes” a post about feminism is subject to the teasing and ridicule of his friends. You have not lived one day as a boy. You do not know what it’s like.

Ask Weezy about Boys and Feminism Continues at Noozhawk

Uncertain Relationship

Ask Weezy Highlights – Friends With Benefits?

Ask Weezy Teen Advice
by Louise Palanker

Cover Art by Elenja

I host a safe and friendly teen social network, ios app called Our Place. Each week, thousands of questions pour into the community. Kids share with one another and I personally respond to about 20 questions per day in a teen advice column called Ask Weezy. Here are this week’s top five questions.

Question 1
Im scared of having sex, I’ve been friends with benefits with my best guy friend and we are both virgins and he thinks we should take things to the next level. But I’m scared.

Weezy
Do not do this. It’s a mistake. Your friend wants to have sex. That is not enough of a reason for YOU to have sex. This is not playing tennis. It is something very special that should be shared by two people in love.

My guess is that you care for him very deeply but the “friends with benefits” deal is not one which works out well for the girl. We women tend to love very deeply. We agree to that deal because we hope that it will lead to love. It rarely does. Let a guy love you before he gets to share your body with you. It’s you’re body. Tell him, no.

Question 2
Help! I don’t know what to do! My Best friend shares everything in common with me, we tell secrets and agree on everything, but this summer she left me for someone else and I don’t know what to do. There is nobody that is as much like me as her! What should I do?

Weezy
You do not know that there is nobody else like you. There are a ton of people in this world who are a lot like you. If your friend is off on her own path this summer, then take that as a message that you too are supposed to go find your adventure.

We can get too comfortable with our usual routine. Your friend just shook things up for you. Go see what and who is out there waiting to be discovered.

Question 3
What does it mean when a guy says he loves talking to you? I have been talking to this one guy 24/7 this whole week legit.. We have talked about my past relationships and we flirt text! And I he said that I was his “woman crush” Wednesday. Does he like me??

Weezy
You get to ask the guy what it means. He says that he loves talking with you and the two of you have been texting 24/7, (which in my opinion is not healthy) but it is a significant chunk of your life and if you would like it to mean something, then you need to ask for that.

Texting a person all day long eats away at your day, pulls you out of your real life relationships and it still leaves you wondering what it all means. That’s because this is empty communication. There is no substance.  It gets both of your hearts racing but we don’t know to what end.

So, say something meaningful to the boy, like “When can we hang out?” “I think I like you as more than a friend.” That type of thing. He’s getting this much of your time. He needs to give you an answer.

Question 4
Weezy…I’m starting to hate guys and not trust trust anyone. This boy named Josh started giving me hugs but then also touching my breast.

So, I started texting him saying that I did not like what he was doing. He kept asking me if I like him and I said, “I don’t know. So today he gave me hugs but then touched my butt. People saw us in the hallway thinking that we go out but we don’t.

My friend said not to go out with him because he is a hoe. Then my friends starting running their mouths to each other about me and him. I do not want them talking about me!!

One friend told me that Josh has a girlfriend and he’s touching me like we go out.

AND WHAT MADE ME SO MAD WAS WHEN JOSH SAID I HAVE A FLAT BUTT. I was like don’t f*** with me no more because he’s a hoe! I’m sorry for my language. But that pissed me off, I know I have no butt and he pointed that out. I was about to burst into tears, because I have no butt. Is there a way to get a butt? And a way to gain weight because I’m really skinny.

Weezy
Wow, your question is all over the road. Let’s start by focussing on what matters. You deserve to be treated with respect. You must ask people to treat you with respect. Don’t text a request for respect. Say it. And say it in a way that allows you to respect yourself. “Excuse me. Take your hand off of me.” Then you stop hugging this boy. He has shown you who he is. Believe it. He does not get to know you or be around you.

It should not matter if you tell a friend and she tells a friend that this boy has no respect for girls and women. That is the truth. That is what happened. Do not call him names. There is no need for that. But you can say, “He’s not a gentleman.” That is it. Then move on.

Now, since we have established that he is not a gentleman and that he does not deserve your time, please tell me why his opinion should matter to you? I do not know how to change the shape of your body. I do know that you are beautiful as you are. Believe that and walk through the world with the confidence of a woman who loves herself. You have been created and therefore, you have a right to a voice and to your dignity. Ask for it and make no apologies for being your own true self.

Question 5
My boyfriend wants to see five movies with his ex , he says they’re just friends and that she has moved on. He says he is with me so nothing will happen but I can’t help but be jealous. I want him to be happy and spend time with his friends but it’s hard for me not to get jealous. What should I do? (also he still has little feelings for her)

Weezy
My view is that he does not get to do this if he wants to remain in a relationship with you. He can maybe go to the movies in a group of people but it is a really fine line.

If there is one activity that is considered “a date,” it is taking a girl to the movies. He can take a walk or go to Starbucks or sit on swings in the park and talk, but no movies. For that, he needs to be single.

And you should figure out where his head is at and what you want, because if he still has feelings for her and has the nerve to specifically ask to see FIVE movies with her, then that means that he is undecided. Therefore, you must determine if he is the person you want to be dating.

flirting_nature_by_goflshaven-d3c4e7k

Ask Weezy: Teen Advice – Jealousy

Ask Weezy

by Louise Palanker

Art by Dolokun

I host a safe and friendly teen social network, ios app called Our Place. Each week, thousands of questions pour into the community. Kids share with one another and I respond to about 20 questions per day in a  teen advice column called Ask Weezy. What are today’s kids thinking about? Here are this week’s top five questions.

Question 1

Sometimes the guys I think are cute and like flirt with my friends right in front of me and it makes me so jealous because I don’t think I’m not as pretty as them. I end up doing something stupid and really mean that I regret and I don’t know how to stop.

Weezy

The answer is learning to see the beauty of your own soul with your own heart and mind, rather than looking for it reflected in somebody else’s eyes. Love is not a competition.  It’s collaborative. It is not endangered.  it is abundant.

A boy flirting with another girl takes nothing away from you.  It is its own isolated dynamic.  It has nothing to do with you. That very girl who currently feels like a threat may grow up to become the doctor who saves your life. You can not spend your day looking at others with envy and disdain.  They are humans, just like you.  They have love to give and they need love in return.   The boy who is meant to be your forever guy is out there.

The more loving you are to EVERYBODY the more attracted he will be to you. Show the world your most giving spirit and that love will be returned to you. Once you put healthy energy patterns in motion, you will be amazed.

You can’t have every guy.  You don’t want every guy.  At this point in your life, it’s time to let the flirting fall where it may.   Look at it this way: Only when you stop being mean will real love have an opportunity to find you.

Question 2

I don’t know how to explain this but I have an eating disorder and I don’t feel I am deserving of treatment. There are so many more worse problems in the world than an ED. I feel like an awful person because there are starving people in the world who don’t get to pick if they eat or not and here I am not eating or, if I do eat, vomiting it up.

I feel like I am so selfish and an awful person for doing this.. Am I selfish? How can I stop this? And if I get help it will go on my record and I wanna go into the navy. They may not let me in if I have a mental illness…

Weezy

An eating disorder is not a badge if shame. Nor is any emotional or mental condition. It’s like a broken arm. It just is and it needs to be fixed. I don’t mean to be harsh but you must stop coming up with reasons not to seek treatment.

Eating disorders are not judged. They are understood and they are healed. Until you do that you will not be strong enough to join the Navy. You can not serve your country until you are healthy.

At present, your priority is your disease, and until that is cleared up, you are not being loyal to your true self. You can call any Navy recruitment office and learn about their policies regarding eating disorders. Certainly, you would be asked about this during your physical and it will be against the law to lie.

No matter what you choose to do with your life, you won’t be able to get there while you are still inside this disease. So, first get treatment. Get well. And then begin to formulate what you would like to do with your healthy and whole life.

Question 3

Hey! My biggest crush asked out my friend and she said yes! I’m really mad at her for saying yes. She said she has liked him for a long time! But I love him! I have liked him longer than she has because I have loved him since kindergarden! What do I do!

Weezy

You may like him a whole lot more than she does but he gets to decide who he likes romantically. I know that is hard to hear.

If it’s a deal breaker between you and your friend, let her know, as delicately as possible. You can say, “It will just hurt my heart to see you two together, so I am going to have to take a step back as your friend, while I get over him.”

Or you can cry for a couple of days, then come up for air and accept this. It’s such a gray area. Part of me believes that you can’t lay claim to a boy. The other part of me says, she probably should have put her friendship with you first. But it’s impossible to know how much she cares for him and we can’t make this decision for her.

One thing I will tell you is that if you ask a friend to choose between you and love, they will usually choose love. Even if they live to regret that choice. Love is powerful that way.

Your friendship is more important than this boy. But when you are in the middle of this sort of struggle, it sure doesn’t feel that way. So, don’t say anything you can not take back. You have every right to feel hurt and angry. But think before you speak and then choose words that will allow you to one day retrieve this friendship.

Question 4

This morning, I looked at my belly in the mirror. I haven’t done this in months, because I hate the way it looks. I go to my doctor once a year, I’m a healthy weight. He never says anything bad. But I feel fat because I saw my stomach moving around. Now, when I walk, I think about it, and can feel it jiggling slightly.

I always exercise and have a decent diet. It’s just the way I look. How do I learn to accept it?

Weezy

You tell yourself that this is the way you look and this is the way people look. This is your body. Designed and engineered to go the distance. It is here to serve you and you will pilot your body through this life you have been given.

Would you stand outside a car and stare at it and judge the fender? Why does it stick out like that?!

To protect your car.

Now get into the car and go.

A woman’s body comes with curves. That’s how she is built. Stop judging your body and go share the spirit of your being with the world.

Question 5

My dad is very unpredictable. He yells at us kids and at the dogs. He scares us. I know he had a bad childhood. But last night he was screaming at our older dog and she was shaking. I ran to my room and that just upset my dad. He saw my scared face so he screamed, “I would never hurt the dog and then he was swearing and he slammed my door.

Later I saw him on the couch comforting the little dog and being affectionate. I just went to my room crying.

I want to have a close relationship with my father but I can’t trust him. I also know he will not seek professional help. I just don’t know what to do. He ruins my moods. I was having a great day today until all of this happened. Do you have advice?

Weezy

If he will not seek professional help the quality of his life will continue to be compromised. You should ask your mom if the rest of the family can go to therapy so that you can learn how to better deal with a father who is so unpredictable and frightening.

He was scaring, not just you kids, but also the animals. When you see him giving all that love to his little dog, it’s because that dog will bounce right back to being affectionate towards him far more quickly than will a child.

A child needs love, compassion, conversation, renewed trust, time to heal, etc. Look how frustrated he became when your face revealed your fear. You were still very upset.

What does he do? He slams your door and stomps off??? Sorry, no. That is not OK with children. But who is back in his lap within moments and ready to forget that anything ever happened? His dog.

Your father loves you, fully and completely. He just does not know what to do with himself when he gets all wound up. He has no healthy place to throw all of that negative energy.

He’s not angry with you. He’s angry with himself. You can write him a note, telling him how frightened you get. You can give your mom a copy of that note and you can request that you see a therapist to talk about your fears surrounding your father’s unpredictable behavior.