by Louise Palanker
I host a safe and friendly teen social network, ios app called Our Place. Each week, thousands of questions pour into the community. Kids share with one another and I personally respond to about 20 questions per day in a teen advice column called Ask Weezy. What are today’s kids thinking about? Here are this week’s top five questions.
Our Place Post: I am a muslim and started wearing a hijab ( scarf ) only a few months ago and it made me feel better about myself. On the bus for the past few months, people started talking about MY RACE and how we are ugly and my RELIGION… how we would bomb something down if we aren’t happy. I always cry in my seat and try to draw no attention to myself . Now I really want to rip my scarf off of my head and never wear it again!
You are being subjected to prejudice and hate speech. This is race bullying. You can report it to your school principal, speak to your parents about it or you can handle it yourself. It will help if you have backup. A friend who is in your corner.
This will take a lot of courage, but it can be done with a little bit of practice. You turn to these bullies and you say, “Muslims believe in peace. Extremists and terrorists come in every religion, shape and color. I am not one. What is sad here is that YOU are behaving more like terrorists than am I. Please respect me here on this bus and I will respect you.”
You can make that speech your own. These kids are ignorant. You can try to take them on or you can report the behavior. You DO NOT deserve to be treated this way. A little bit of understanding goes a long way. Teach them some of it.
I have a friend I like and she’s always in a relationship. Every time she breaks up she goes straight on to the next one. It just keeps repeating and she just gets hurt in the end. Is there anything I can do to help her?
You can tell her that when we repeat an unhealthy pattern this means that we need to stop and do some work on ourselves.
Unless she changes, the boys she chooses won’t change either. Nor will they ever fix the problem. Tell her how much you care about her and that you want her to be happy. And then you just have to remember that you can not walk her path for her. She has to do that.
How do I find my own personal fashion style?
Don’t feel a pressing need to find one. The most important aspect of choosing “a style” is selecting clothes that make you feel like you. Clothes in which you feel comfortable.
If you buy something just because someone else told you it was cool or cute, it will sit in your closet and every time you look at it, something in you will reject it.
You can shop with your mom or with a friend and ask them for their opinions. But you must also feel good about the clothes. Finding your look is a process and you do not have to pick one specific look. One day may be a jeans and sneakers day. The next may be a little vintage/a little sassy.
There are no rules when it comes to fashion, because every year, the rules change. Why not be the one who changes them?
How do I prepare for periods at school? I know its still summer but I NEED to be prepared. Anyway , I started my period a couple weeks ago and I want to know what should I do when I’m at school and I need to change my pad? Like where should I put my pad? I know in the trash but I don’t want it to be noticeable that I’m on my period when other girls walk in the bathroom. And how can I make it quieter when I’m opening my pad? I’m VERY embarrassed about having periods. and what should I do if I have a spot on my pants cause at my school we wear khaki pants and white shirts…
Every girl gets her period, so I know this feels embarrassing (because it is happening in your private area) but it is also part of being a woman and being alive. You are actually pretty lucky that you get to spend your summer adjusting to your period. This will all seem less intimidating when school gets here. If you are embarrassed by the sound of opening the pad, open it before you get to school and roll it up in a paper towel or something. On your heavy flow days, wear a second pair of underwear over the one that is holding the pad in place. This helps prevent accidents.
You can check on your pad between every class. Even if you see that it is not time to change it, that will give you peace of mind. If you see a spot, pull up your pants, go to the sink, put soap and water on a paper towel. Go back into a stall and scrub it out. This will dry within the next half hour.
There should be a little container which serves as a receptacle for used pads and tampons in each stall. If there is not, then you roll the used pad in toilet paper and tuck it into your hand. As you come out to wash your hands, subtly toss that into the wastebasket. You are not the only girl doing this. These are just the little tips and tricks that all women learn to use during that time of the month.
Ever since my brother got a girlfriend (Rose) I feel like it’s my job to keep them together. My brother is four years older than me, but I feel like if I do anything or say anything Rose will be disgusted by it and end their relationship. I know that they’re relationship has nothing to do with me. This is my brothers first serious relationship so I don’t know how to act around his girlfriend. We get along fine but what if Rose all of a sudden gets so annoyed with me about something that she breaks up with my brother!?! He would never forgive me! I know I’m just being paranoid but I need advice!
I wouldn’t use the word “paranoid,” but I would ask you what may have led you to believe that Rose’s love for your brother is contingent upon your behavior? Have you been made to feel, in your household, that what you say and do has an effect on love? Does love feel conditional to you? If that has been happening, then I am so sorry. It’s not fair and it’s not realistic.
Flip it around. If you loved a boy and his sister was a wild, little hellion, would you love the boy less? With no offense intended, you are giving yourself far too much power in your brother’s life. He and his girlfriend are fully capable of loving or not loving each other based on a billion factors that do not include you.
Get to know Rose and be kind to her, just because it’s the right thing to do and because she will enrich your life, but you are neither their glue nor their dissolvent. You have no power to either pull them apart or hold them together.
Ask Weezy Teen Advice
by Louise Palanker
Cover Art by Elenja
I host a safe and friendly teen social network, ios app called Our Place. Each week, thousands of questions pour into the community. Kids share with one another and I personally respond to about 20 questions per day in a teen advice column called Ask Weezy. Here are this week’s top five questions.
Im scared of having sex, I’ve been friends with benefits with my best guy friend and we are both virgins and he thinks we should take things to the next level. But I’m scared.
Do not do this. It’s a mistake. Your friend wants to have sex. That is not enough of a reason for YOU to have sex. This is not playing tennis. It is something very special that should be shared by two people in love.
My guess is that you care for him very deeply but the “friends with benefits” deal is not one which works out well for the girl. We women tend to love very deeply. We agree to that deal because we hope that it will lead to love. It rarely does. Let a guy love you before he gets to share your body with you. It’s you’re body. Tell him, no.
Help! I don’t know what to do! My Best friend shares everything in common with me, we tell secrets and agree on everything, but this summer she left me for someone else and I don’t know what to do. There is nobody that is as much like me as her! What should I do?
You do not know that there is nobody else like you. There are a ton of people in this world who are a lot like you. If your friend is off on her own path this summer, then take that as a message that you too are supposed to go find your adventure.
We can get too comfortable with our usual routine. Your friend just shook things up for you. Go see what and who is out there waiting to be discovered.
What does it mean when a guy says he loves talking to you? I have been talking to this one guy 24/7 this whole week legit.. We have talked about my past relationships and we flirt text! And I he said that I was his “woman crush” Wednesday. Does he like me??
You get to ask the guy what it means. He says that he loves talking with you and the two of you have been texting 24/7, (which in my opinion is not healthy) but it is a significant chunk of your life and if you would like it to mean something, then you need to ask for that.
Texting a person all day long eats away at your day, pulls you out of your real life relationships and it still leaves you wondering what it all means. That’s because this is empty communication. There is no substance. It gets both of your hearts racing but we don’t know to what end.
So, say something meaningful to the boy, like “When can we hang out?” “I think I like you as more than a friend.” That type of thing. He’s getting this much of your time. He needs to give you an answer.
Weezy…I’m starting to hate guys and not trust trust anyone. This boy named Josh started giving me hugs but then also touching my breast.
So, I started texting him saying that I did not like what he was doing. He kept asking me if I like him and I said, “I don’t know. So today he gave me hugs but then touched my butt. People saw us in the hallway thinking that we go out but we don’t.
My friend said not to go out with him because he is a hoe. Then my friends starting running their mouths to each other about me and him. I do not want them talking about me!!
One friend told me that Josh has a girlfriend and he’s touching me like we go out.
AND WHAT MADE ME SO MAD WAS WHEN JOSH SAID I HAVE A FLAT BUTT. I was like don’t f*** with me no more because he’s a hoe! I’m sorry for my language. But that pissed me off, I know I have no butt and he pointed that out. I was about to burst into tears, because I have no butt. Is there a way to get a butt? And a way to gain weight because I’m really skinny.
Wow, your question is all over the road. Let’s start by focussing on what matters. You deserve to be treated with respect. You must ask people to treat you with respect. Don’t text a request for respect. Say it. And say it in a way that allows you to respect yourself. “Excuse me. Take your hand off of me.” Then you stop hugging this boy. He has shown you who he is. Believe it. He does not get to know you or be around you.
It should not matter if you tell a friend and she tells a friend that this boy has no respect for girls and women. That is the truth. That is what happened. Do not call him names. There is no need for that. But you can say, “He’s not a gentleman.” That is it. Then move on.
Now, since we have established that he is not a gentleman and that he does not deserve your time, please tell me why his opinion should matter to you? I do not know how to change the shape of your body. I do know that you are beautiful as you are. Believe that and walk through the world with the confidence of a woman who loves herself. You have been created and therefore, you have a right to a voice and to your dignity. Ask for it and make no apologies for being your own true self.
My boyfriend wants to see five movies with his ex , he says they’re just friends and that she has moved on. He says he is with me so nothing will happen but I can’t help but be jealous. I want him to be happy and spend time with his friends but it’s hard for me not to get jealous. What should I do? (also he still has little feelings for her)
My view is that he does not get to do this if he wants to remain in a relationship with you. He can maybe go to the movies in a group of people but it is a really fine line.
If there is one activity that is considered “a date,” it is taking a girl to the movies. He can take a walk or go to Starbucks or sit on swings in the park and talk, but no movies. For that, he needs to be single.
And you should figure out where his head is at and what you want, because if he still has feelings for her and has the nerve to specifically ask to see FIVE movies with her, then that means that he is undecided. Therefore, you must determine if he is the person you want to be dating.
Barry Gibb is the greatest songwriter to ever live on earth.
Sure I could add, “in my opinion,” or “since Cole Porter,” or “next to Paul McCartney and Burt Bacharach,” but I don’t want to, and this is my blog.
So, as a huge melody/harmony/Bee Gees freak, I pumped thick cash into our Hollywood Bowl tickets to see The Mythology Tour. My darling and amenable husband and I parked down by Fountain and walked up to The Bowl (Come on. I wasn’t going to also pay for parking.)
Anyway, it was a big adventure and we love to walk.
I had been following the tour on Facebook and YouTube and watching the posted videos. I began to solidify a scheme. If I could get my equipment past security, I may actually find myself close enough to (unbeknownst to Barry Gibb) sing a duet with him.
That was the plan. But which song? What about the mix? Would I be able to hear my own voice? Would I disturb those around me? How dare I? Those were some of the big questions. The other fairly obvious one being, “Why don’t I just shut the F up and listen to Barry Gibb?”
Well, my Canon G15, Gorilla Pod and top mounted shotgun mic raised not an eyebrow as my purse was inspected and we passed through the gates of the bowl.
My strategy was now launched into full effect. But as daylight slipped behind the hills of The Bowl, I met with obstacles.
We were about ten rows from the stage. Barry Gibb was well lit and wearing black, so my camera was opening wide to drink in light, thereby turning Barry Gibb’s face into a glowy cloud.
This did not deter me from singing.
I won’t apologize. Mission accomplished. And please know that as my voice rose into the night air to meet with Barry Gibb’s, I was tapped on the shoulder by an usher and asked to pull down my camera.
Yes, I faced humiliation. No, I didn’t always just enjoy the moment. But I was (in my mind) a Barry Gibb backup singer. 920 Feet From Stardom!
And, I was able to fire off a load of great photos:
This concert was extraordinarily magical. Barry Gibb owned the night while gracefully and achingly giving honor to his brothers. The loneliness of the last Bee Gee was quieted by the sound of Barry’s son, Stephen and Maurice’s daughter, Samantha, plus a sensational band and backup singers, Beth Cohen, Leesa Richards and Charlotte Mckinnon.
OK, so maybe I filmed just a wee bit too much. (Sorry, people behind me.) Barry Gibb at The Hollywood Bowl YouTube Playlist
But, in my defense, it’s Barry Gibb.
And, in closing, if you, like me, are a big Bee Gees Nut, please enjoy these interviews I did with Maurice and Barry Gibb in 1988.
and with Robin, Maurice and Barry Gibb in 1993.
Thank You, Bee Gees.
Teen Advice by Louise Palanker
I host a safe and friendly teen social network, ios app called Our Place. Each week, thousands of questions pour into the community. Kids share with one another and I personally respond to about 20 questions per day in a column called Ask Weezy. What are today’s kids thinking about? Here are this week’s top five questions.
Ok. My best friend and I recently told each other that we like each other. We know that we feel the same way about each other. The slight problem is that if we date and we end up having a bad break up, it might mess up our friendship. And our friendship is so good. Is there a way we can work it out?
No. There are no shortcuts around tough issues. With great risk comes great reward. What also comes is risk. But here is the way I look at it. In life, we must pay attention to the truth. Let it surface and look at. Say, “Hey truth. I see you. I acknowledge you and I will deal with you, come what may. Whenever you try to stuff down that truth, it festers and does all kinds of damage.
Let’s lay out some predicted outcomes based on your truth: The truth is that you like each other. So,
Scenario Number 1)
Ignoring that you like each other as more than friends in an effort to maintain your friendship. Well, it’s a lie that asks you to pretend something is not happening. So, in an effort to maintain your “friendship” you will both probably want to date others at some point. Those others will not tolerate this “friendship.” You will have now involved innocent people. You will not be with the one you truly love and you will be hurting each other and the people you are trying to date.
Taking this a step further, if one or both of you marry these other people, this will compound the problem and the number of innocents involved. Attempting to remain “just friends” may result in your loosing both the friendship and the romance and living your entire lives longing for each other and regretting your decision to remain “friends.” (Goggle Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles)
Scenario number 2)
You accept that you like each other as more than friends. You are both terrified, but you take this friendship up a notch to dating. It may work out. It may not But you will both get to experience a romantic adventure with a loving partner and for as long as it lasts, you will be learning from and growing with each other. This person may be the great love of your lifetime. Who is to say? If it does not last romantically and you loose the friendship, well, you lived your truths and you left an indelible mark on each other’s hearts. I vote for choice number 2. Live your truth.
How do I ask my friend’s mom for feminine products? For the summer I’m staying over my friend’s house while my parents are out of town. Today I just started my period , I always kept a pad with me just in case it started cause I was told by my mom that I would start soon. Anyway, I only had one pad and I need more. IM SOO SCARED. I don’t know why, but it’s embarrassing ..my friend started hers so did her sister but I’m scared to ask any of them. btw its all girls in my friend’s household..
The only embarrassment should be the embarrassment of riches in feminine products which inhabit that house. Ask your friend to ask her mom. There are loads of pads in any house full of females. The supplies you need are just a couple of steps away.
I know it feels embarrassing but it is actually very expected. Turn to your friend right this moment and say, “Aunt Flo just arrived and I need supplies.” Do it right now. Before you finish reading this post. Just look up and say that sentence, out loud…. OK, go ahead and whisper it….
Good for you. Now that’s done and somebody is going to get you pads. Have a great summer.
I talk to a pervert and I regret everything. He asked me where I live. I said a state that’s far away from where I actually live. I told him a fake age, and my real first name. I also sent him a picture of me and my older sister. I made youtube videos then he messaged me on kik and we became closer. He complimented me and then asked for naked pictures. I sent him one but I wasn’t naked it was just my bum.
Our conversations usually always tend to have sexual stuff in them.. I don’t reply back sexually. I’ll try to change the subject.. He sent me a picture of him and he told me he was 26 but he looks older. I told him he looks like a rapist. He said, “I always point out the best in you, and you always point out the worst in me.” Please don’t tell me to tell my parents or the police.
Respectfully, please don’t tell me what to tell you. This guy has an unhealthy, sexual interest in children, meaning, he is a pedophile. In speaking with you sexually online and requesting photos, he is breaking the law and he is dangerous.
Any child who posts content online and enters into a private conversations with a stranger is likely to run into somebody like this guy. The communication will begin with compliments and sharing how much you have in common. As he earns your trust and draws you in, he will begin to turn the conversation sexual. By this point, it is hard for the child to pull away because you may even believe that you are a little bit in love with him and that he values and understands you fully and completely.
This is how he operates. This is what he does. He’s been doing it for a long time and to a lot of children. He is probably not in his 20s and he probably is lying to you about any number of facts. He is probably speaking to a lot of girls and the moment he has enough information about you, he will be arranging to meet you. If you are too wise to allow for that rendezvous, another lonely girl somewhere is not. She will fall into his trap. You need to cease all contact with him. He is manipulating your mind.
STOP TALKING TO HIM. Tell your parents, call a helpline and call the police.
Hi Weezy! This boy that I really like asked me for a picture of my boobs. I said no. He said he understood. Should I back away from him or is it ok for me to still like him? I told him I thought we had something together and he didn’t answer. He must have left because it made him uncomfortable… I just dunno.
No. He left because you did not give him what he wanted. The only thing you have that he wants is your body. If anything else were the case he would be treating you with respect and trying to learn more about the person that is you. He would not be disrespecting you by
a) asking you to do something crass and humiliating and
b) asking you to do something that lives on the internet forever.
You may be thinking, “But nobody will know they are my breasts.” YOU will know. You will know that you did this in the hope that on the other side of this exchange would lie love. You would then learn the hard way that quite the opposite is true. On the other side of this exchange lies you hurt and feeling used, vulnerable and exposed. You will never know how many people were forwarded that photo.
Has this boy stopped talking to you because he felt “uncomfortable?” I hope so, but I doubt it. He’s gone because you are a young lady with dignity and self esteem. He is off to prey upon girls who have yet to embrace these qualities. He is doing so because he has no dignity or respect for himself or others. He has a long way to go to catch up to you. Please look for love in the eyes of somebody who is not afraid to really see YOU.
Last year this guy (my neighbor) and I hung out all summer. I began to like him and then he tells me that he’s going to my school and will be in my grade. I was really happy. He was flirting with me and making my crush bigger.
But then when school started, he talked to me less. After a month of this I decided to just stop taking to him and a week later he noticed and asked me why I wasn’t talking to him and I said I don’t know and walked away.
I have ignored him (and he has ignored me also) for like 8 months now and I miss talking to him. How do I get him to talk to me again?
You gave him a false answer. You do know why you weren’t talking to him but you claimed that you didn’t. You had made your point. He noticed, and when he asked you why you hadn’t spoken to him, the productive answer would have been, “I know. I miss you. What’s been happening? Catch me up.” This would have invited conversation. Instead, you shut him down.
This sort of pattern tends to repeat itself between men and women so pay careful attention to what you did right and what you could do better.
A guy who likes you will definitely notice if you start ignoring him. And, when he notices, you may still be hurt and angry and you may be hoping that he says EVERYTHING you need to hear that will make you feel appreciated once again. Well, he won’t say everything. You need to steer that conversation.
He may say something, which is what you got. But if you make him feel badly for saying something, he’ll lick his wounds and walk away.
If, on the other hand, you say something inviting and he starts talking to you again, when the moment is right, you can then say, “Hey, I felt kind of hurt when you started school and it seemed like you were too busy for me.”
That is your truth. That is what happened. Don’t expect guys to know exactly what you are feeling. They don’t know unless you tell them. And in order to tell them, you need to pleasantly re-open conversation.
So, here we are eight months later and you now have some work to do. Walk up to him and say, “I miss talking to you. What’s been going on?” If he is open to that, then down the line, you can tell him the truth about why you shut down.